Unknown - 21st February 2011
Gun in hand, check.
European city, check.
Women in peril, check.
The poster even has the word take on it for cocks sake!
Do you think the people who marketed this movie had seen Taken's box office results?
Proving once and for all that marketing people are completely worthless shit-heels with no grasp on reality, here comes an ad campaign and a poster purely designed to get bums on seats that opening weekend by convincing us all that, essentially, Taken 2 is out, after which, once word of mouth spreads about what a disappointing, sub-par Bourne rip off, Euro-thriller snoozefest this whole mess of a film is, I will imagine there will be considerably less bums on seats come next weekend.
Without giving too much away, Neeson comes to Berlin with January Jones and leaves his suitcase at the airport. On his way back to get the suitcase the cab he is in crashes, plunges into the river, he goes into a coma, wakes up 4 days later and nobody will acknowledge who he really is. It is now up to Neeson to find out who he really is and to stop the bad guys. Only he doesn't really do that, he sort of wonders about not doing very much, screaming at the police to have total strangers arrested.
It's an absolutely ludicrous set up but instead of being played with an action, b-movie, shits and giggles sensibility it is instead played like a ponderous, straight faced, tedious re-telling of the Bourne Identity, in fact in Germany it is actually called "Unknown Identity"!.
In the beginning I personally didn't mind it all so much, Neeson's always fun to watch and the appearance of Bruno Ganz is always a welcome adition because not only is he a terrific actor, his face is also pleasingly ridiculous but to have him as an ex-stazi gumshoe was pretty inspired, the movie should've been called "Bruno Ganz knows who you are and if he doesn't right away, he will!"
Sadly this promising premise gave way to Neeson's most goggle-eyed, hammy acting since Darkman as he followed a bloated looking Aidan Quinn, of all people, round Berlin shouting at him. Apparently when Hollywood can't get Neeson or they want someone to play 'the other Neeson' they flick through the rolodex and say in a loud American voice 'Get me Aidan Quinn!!'
I did go with it all, as best I could, during this first viewing but by the time the fairly obvious yet whoringly implausible twist rears it's bedraggled head and I realised what I was actually watching, it did loose me. Big time.
It's one of those films that very VERY quickly after it's done you can pull it a part in a manner of seconds. The plot unravels quicker than a cheap woolen jumper and it suddenly dawns on you that nothing makes any sense and it's all hung by the very flimsiest of threads. To go into why here would necessitate not only revealing vast chunks of plot but also writing a ton of wasted paragraphs explaining why a not very good thriller is just that, a not very good thriller. Then when you throw in the fact that from Total Recall to the Bourne films via any number of straight-to-TV movie of the week offerings, you have pretty much seen this all before, it begins to leave a very bad taste and be a rather disappointing experience in general.
You see, I don't mind a hokey, silly thriller full of unbelievable nonsense if it's played like that, if everyone is obviously there for the fun hokeyness of it. As it is everyone in this flick thinks they're making an incredibly tense and serious art film or something as it contains more crinkled brows and quizzical looks than a meeting of 75 year old nuns being shown an episode of Footballer's Wives, the only person who escapes with a modicum of dignity is Herr Ganz.
A disappointing 5 out of 10 bland and soggy bratwursts
Points from The Wife 5 out of 10
Taken - 20th February 2011
Headed up by producer Luc Besson, the writer of everything from The Karate Kid, Leathal Weapon 3 and Kiss of the Dragon, Robert Mark Kamen and the Cinematographer of Jason Statham classics, The Transporter and War now graduated to Director, Pierre Morel, the three of them have created a simple, perfect, taut action Eurothriller and some how turned lanky Irishman, Liam Neeson into a bona fide action star at the age of 57.
The story is a perfectly simple set up for an action film, Liam Neeson is an ex-whatever for the government and/or military and him and his ex-whatever friends occasionally do security work for famous peeps to pay the bills when they are not sitting around barbecuing and nattering about the old days. Neeson has an ex-wife who is married to a self-important rich fella and the most childish, spoilt and whiny 18 year old daughter ever committed to screen. The daughter whinges, cries, storms off and strops about until Neeson gives his fatherly consent for her to go to Paris with a tearaway friend. They get to Paris and barely an hour has gone passed and the daughter and her friend are abducted by big tattooed Albanians which, you know, happens a lot in Paris.
Now, of course, before she gets grabbed she has had time to call her ex-whatever Dad and explain to him enough of what was going on, giving him the chance to record the call, send it to his friend who has lots of technical gubbins, allowing him to work out which Albanian group has her and so on and so on and so on until Neeson turns up in Paris and kills absolutely everyone. It's just sheer brilliance.
It is brilliant because it is exactly what I want from an action movie, a film where the main character has an objective, is wound up and off he goes. This film is not hampered by the abundance of moral debate, logic or villains that constantly out fox the hero until the end. In this film the hero doesn't flinch, doesn't waste time, doesn't debate and doesn't exactly think, he just is good enough to always get out of every situation and does what needs to be done to get his daughter back.
It is directed well, acted as well as it needs to be, with Neeson particularly good and surprisingly adept at the action scenes where he makes you believe, without a doubt, that he is the pro he claims to be, is written well enough, despite the leaps of logic and doesn't focus particularly on touristy Paris but rather the seedier but still beautiful and artistic, crumbling side of the old city.
I just love the film, everything is such a heightened reality that I have no problem going with the flow while watching it. I can understand if people find it a bit grimy and gruesome in parts, the subject matter of trafficking girls by pumping them full of drugs and selling them off as sex slaves is grimy and sickening enough, but I actually find it refreshing because it's an adult action movie with proper violence, unlike the family friendly crap we are so often subjected to.
You see I like 24, the TV series. Well, I say 'like' I know it's completely ridiculous, a Republican's wet dream, repetitive, borderline racist, totally unbelievable and has way too many filler episodes, however when the character of Jack Bauer is allowed to be Jack Bauer then it is fantastically watchable TV, especially in a group. Sort of like 'Die Hard' the TV show.
The trouble with it is that everything has to have semi-realistic consequences and Jack is, despite having saved everyone at great personal expense a hundred times, constantly questioned, mistrusted, hampered by the powers that be and stopped in his missions by a bunch of silly bureaucrats, moralists or needless debate about the real effect of torturing someone when it is just a silly action TV show. Taken avoids all that and just lets Neeson do what we all wish jack Bauer would do and run amok with all manner of weapons and cool martial arts moves at his disposal.
It is written in such a way that the bad guys are so disgusting and a father's search for his daughter is so pure that you completely excuse Neeson punching, kicking, shooting, torturing, strangling and setting fire too anyone with so much as an Albanian sounding name, or at least I do. At one point at the beginning of the film Neeson says to his french contact, now a Police officer with a desk job, that he would tear down the Eiffel Tower if he had to, well by the end you certainly believe he would be capable of doing it.
It's exciting, silly, fast, endlessly watchable, packed with great action and looks fantastic. It has so much potential for sequels galore that I hope Neeson just spends the rest of his life making one a year, sadly though the only sequel news we have is that they are still trying to come up with a script! What?! it's simple, Famke Janssen gets kidnapped or the pop singer does or something and Neeson is off again... there are talks about it being shot this Spring and I, for one, can't wait! Just, please, no morals... just action!
10 out of 10 baguettes in a bag... this is Paris after all, we ALL walk round with baguettes
Points from The Wife 10 out of 10