13/13/13
Basically it's all something to do with leap years violating the ancient Mayan calendar and all those extra days in February, over time have created an extra month and on the date of 13/13/13 everyone who wasn't born on a February 29th goes completely nuts.
It's a wonderful, end of the world scenario that allows for lots of death, destruction, mayhem and the symbolism of the "unlucky number" 13. More importantly, I hadn't really heard of much like that before and it's always nice to hear a fresh idea.
Yes, ok, so behind the idea is the whole Mayan calendar hoopla that went around last year claiming that, in 2012, the world was going to end and, I'm sure that, The Asylum liked it for that reason, as they're always making B-Movie versions of big budget disaster films (or Mockbusters as I believe the affectionate term is for them) but this has a decent spin on that and actually attempts something novel with it. The idea that leap years added up would form this weird 13 month is just the kind of bonkers, surreal hokum I am drawn to. There was a bit of George A Romero's The Crazies mixed in there as well but it's, at least, a different Romero source to draw from than the interminable bad zombie films we've had to wade through lately.
The things that I enjoyed in this film were the slow build up to people going crazy, some good and, on some occasions, even darkly comic deaths, a nice, atmospheric, gory and weird hospital sequence and attempts to establish different types of craziness for different groups of people. There was a really strong bedrock here for a pretty decent end-of-the-world horror film and what the filmmakers were able to do with, what was, obviously, a limited budget was, also, very impressive.
What was a slight disappointment with the movie, for me, was the fact that, I didn't feel, the concept went anywhere or was explored as much as I would've liked. For example, it needed a crazy old professor, or someone, who knew about the old world and spouted Donald Pleasance-like doom filled one-liners. The film, definitely, could've done with some sort of further explanation of the situation or some place to go. Maybe a glimmer of hope to reverse the situation using a mystical rock, Mayan gold amulet or something, or, maybe the rising of old beings to establish their order again on earth.
As it was, while it was atmospheric, gory as all hell and nicely shot, the hospital sequence went on entirely too long and once our two, Feb 29th born, protagonists finally escaped there was little time for anything but a muddled and, I felt, rushed finale back at the house.
The acting was a problem in the film. I watch a lot of amateur and low budget films so it doesn't bother me a lot but the acting was pretty stale, unfortunately, and not one character really shone in the film. A lot of that might have been the script too because, while the idea was there and the deaths, gore and action were all there, the dialogue was, in places, dreadful. I thought that more creative ways could've been used to convey the craziness other than just rage and repeated uses of "fuck" said unconvincingly by actors struggling to act. Don't get me wrong, there were some creative bits of craziness, especially Quentin (Jody Barton) believing himself, suddenly, to be a Korean war general but overall the swearing and the anger felt forced in some of the performances. I liked the laughter and the random acts of violence but thought the opportunity to make that truly creepy was missed.
Without a few strong, decent lines of dialogue and the odd interesting character, the film did, very slowly, become something of a slog but there was, genuinely, some nice potential here.
Trae Ireland and Erin Coker were solid enough, but neither of them had very interesting characters. Calico Cooper is Alice Cooper's daughter but sadly didn't get to do very much but what she did was fine though. Jody Barton got the showy role and was, at least, enthusiastic with it and, probably, the strongest performer of the lot. Bill Voorhees, with the name made for horror film acting, was sort of funny in the role of sidekick to Jody Barton despite it being an underwritten, obvious, slob-friend role.
My favourite scenes in the whole thing were an early scene where Quentin decides to humorously run some people down with his car, the slowly escalating crazy in the hospital and its gore drenched walls and the news room scene with the comedy news anchors attacking each other. They were all, a genuine joy.
While it, sadly, does go nowhere, there was lots to like in this B-Movie. One positive on the acting was that I didn't feel anybody was winking at me or playing any scenes in a lazy, half-arsed manner. I felt that everyone was trying their hardest and playing the scenes straight and true. This is important because it's become all too fashionable these days, even amongst high-profile stuff like Tarantino and Rodriguez's later work, to knowingly and lazily play every scene just for puerile, pathetic and ironic laughter and, for me, that just takes me right out of the film. While the acting isn't always strong or dynamic, I am glad to say 13/13/13 doesn't do this. The key to making a fun, enjoyable, weird, silly, wonderful, cult or B-Movie is to believe in what you're doing, no matter how ridiculous and, again, this film does succeed in that regard.
While not quite there completely I appreciated this film for it's attempt at a different, creative take on an apocalypse scenario. It was an enjoyable romp, some great scenes, some good enthusiasm and a decent idea at its core.
This is the End
So what to say?
Well, firstly, this is a classic case of 'did they even write a second draft of the script?' and also 'you guys are not quite as great at improvising as you all seem to think' because the overall structure, plot and pacing is generally weak and uninspired. There are also missed opportunities everywhere and just as one scene soars and you're laughing, you're also annoyed because you know it's going to derail and take another 10 minutes to do anything actually funny again.
Secondly Seth Rogan plays Seth Rogan, a point which is joked about in the first 5mins of the movie admittedly, but that doesn't change the fact that everyone else in this film is playing either weirdly exaggerated versions of themselves or completely different personas and having him just play the version of himself we've seen time and time again is a little grating and unimaginative. It means everyone else gets parodied and is the butt of a joke (or 5) but he never is, really.
Ok, so, the Seth Rogan thing brings up a question:
Can anyone tell me why taking drugs is funny? who decided that?
I don't mean this in a prudish 'don't take drugs' type way because, please, do whatever you want away from me, I don't care but WHY is it funny?
There are films in which drugs, or their side effects, are portrayed as funny but it's usually in the context where the drug taker is a fool and someone is observing their foolish behaviour but when did this thing of 'oh I smoke pot and take E that makes me cool AND funny' become an acceptable substitute for actually writing a joke or a funny scenario. I am sure if you're high it's funny but sadly I am not 15 and 'getting high' no longer holds any allure whatsoever.
It is just one example of where this film veers into self-indulgent, in-joke, vanity-project pap.
Just like the "Seth Rogan always plays himself" joke at the beginning was echoed in the film, there is also a scene where they fool around with a video camera and make a home movie version of a Pineapple Express 2 trailer. Cut to them all rolling around in the living room laughing. I imagine that is precisely what editing and then screening this movie was for the actors involved. It gives you the distinct feeling that while they may say they want you at the party, you're not really invited and this is just for them, however your repeated donations of $14 a cinema ticket is much appreciated.
My last point on this is some lame running joke about Jay Baruchel and Jonah Hill not liking each other. It routinely made me think, did I miss something? I am not in on this not-very-funny joke so why does it have any place in this movie.
In this regard James Franco and Michael Cera probably come off the best in the film and both exaggerated versions of themselves, that they play, warranted lots more screen time. Weirdly Danny McBride is also not too bad and a, what should've been very stupid, scene in which him and Franco talk about cumming on things that should've fallen flat, turned out to be a highlight.
The celebrity cameos are ok but ultimately are cheap shots and I have seen better on the late night Jimmy Kimmel show.
Where the film succeeds is in the examination and parody of different 'end of the world' movie tropes. There's the siege at home stuff, an exorcism scene and a mad-maxian/hills have eyes cannibals in a winnebago scene that work really well and allow for some funny moments.
The problem is that it falls short and adheres too much to its boring set up. It should've parodied disaster movies, alien invasion movies, zombie movies etc. had a bit of imagination. Considering it's a mishmash, unstructured, mostly one set kind of deal anyway they could've gone hog wild!
Instead apart from the couple of funny, interesting scenes I mentioned before, it sticks to this Christian version of the rapture thing that whiffs to high heaven of keeping the biggest audience possible, happy.
Comedy used to bother Christians. It used to leave no sacred idol unblemished, no taboo trashed and no stone unthrowed but apart from a few shots of the devil's CGI cock and a little, brief discussion around the table about 'ok, so now, God is real' that was it. Again, shame they missed the opportunity. There's some funny stuff there, if they had the balls.
I hate to sound like the only atheist in the room but the ultimate goal of this film being 'to get the characters to ascend to heaven' was childish, idiotic, patronising and naff. Oh and also, BIG SPOILER, if there is a heaven and the fucking Backstreet Boys are the entertainment, I'd rather be butt raped by the devil's CGI cock. Just saying.
It was worth the watch once though and it did illicit some chuckles out of me. It's ultimately lazy though and made me feel that there is a good script to be made of friends at the end of the world but this isn't really it.
5 out of 10 novelty, rudely shaped communion wafers