Necropolis
It's no exaggeration to say that every aspect of Necropolis (1986) revolves around 1980s cult film icon LeeAnne Baker's garter-belted and silk-stocking-covered gams and the clickity-clack sound of her sky-high heels on cement floors. That is, when it's not revolving around her performing some sort of weird, kinky, ritualistic, exotic dance number in the name of Satan. As the "Satanic Witch" sucking the life force out of unsuspecting dolts, LeeAnne Baker is truly a jaw-dropping presence. Urban Dictionary favorites like "sex on two legs" or "sex on a stick" or "sexual napalm" come to mind when discussing LeeAnne Baker in Necropolis. Sure, she's a centuries-old ancient evil murderess, but she's so stylish and cool that you'll forgive her just about anything.
The movie basically amounts to a series of scenes where the leggy witch seductively rides a motorcycle around New York City; seductively walks down streets, through doorways, and into rooms; seductively performs said bizarre ritualistic stripper dance; and seductively caresses those stunning stems with her equally stunning fingers in a way that will make even the most prurient moviegoer blush. In other words, the camera loves LeeAnne Baker and she knows it. In their review of the film (from which I've borrowed a few of the screenshots for this review) House of Self-Indulgence put it best when they said, "You don't merely watch a LeeAnne Baker movie, you inject yourself into the film like a heroin user shoots up with a syringe. Except, in this case, LeeAnne Baker is the drug and your eyes are the addict."
That perfectly sums up the appeal of Necropolis. There's also a bunch of silly satanic stuff going on, some incredibly mediocre performances given by most every cast member not named LeeAnne Baker, lots of shadow-drenched scenes on seedy city streets, and of course some gruesome deaths wherein LeeAnne Baker devours victims' souls as ectoplasm that her zombie minions then suckle from her six nipples. Wait, did I mention she can grow four additional breasts, giving her six total? This has to be a world record. Beyond LeeAnne Baker's stunning lead performance, director Bruce Hickey does a commendable job of documenting the sleaze factor that oozed (like ectoplasm!) seemingly out of every New York street corner in abundance back in the 1980s.
Ultimately, the only reason this film even comes anywhere near working is because of LeeAnne Baker. And without a doubt, the only reason to watch this film is because of LeeAnne Baker. And of course LeeAnne Baker's legs, which, if we're being honest, are the true stars of this exploitation classic. It's a shame the actress quit making movies after 1987, because she understood the physicality of a role like this and used her body's movement to enhance the performance tenfold. It's pure exploitation cinematic gold, a true B-movie Hall of Fame acting job.
Necropolis is currently streaming for free on Tubi. So, what are you waiting for?
